Salaam Namaste Rangers Farewell Hash
Today is Ganesh Chaturthi – the Festival of the Elephant God and therefore a very auspicious day to start something such as the long overdue Rangers Farewell Hash report. In case you didn’t know, Ganesh was the scribe for the epic Ramayana. When his stylus broke, rather than interrupt RA Rishi Valmiki, he broke off his tusk to continue writing with it. Well I may not have broken a tooth but the ache is there as I write.
So where do I begin to tell this story of how great a hash can be?
On 27th August, 2005, we were all to meet up at the Ranger’s Club on Red Road to bid farewell to Bill and Sarah who were leaving Calcutta the next morning. I was of course completely lost both physically and metaphysically. Going round in circles in the cab I had to ask Chiru for directions. Yet the Rangers Club has been the venue for multiple Hashes and even some of the Calcutta Marathon Races. But knowing I was likely to be lost I left early. Hungry Kya Alain was already there, La La having left the previous night for China. The Rangers at Saw’s terrace party the night before had invited us to play Caroms and Alain, who was surprised to see me reach early for a change, was keen to try his hand again at playing carom after eons since the British Club has deprived us of our game. The board was placed really high and I could barely reach across to play. No wonder Alain beat me.
Duck Suck Carl came with the special see through bottoms engraved silver mugs - Kolkata Revolutionary Hash House Harriers Religious Adviser Emeritus Bean Town Billie and Drey Double D Sarah. I left the two tall ones to play carom and got on the phone answering and making calls to round up everyone. Sex Guru Saw had been cleaning up after the radical party of the night before and could be forgiven for being late. DD came and then disappeared to come back later to the circle, just like his wallet which he later found. Soma brought Yvonnick. Lickin’ Lucky arrived with his boys. Henry Jardine the new American Consul joined us and distributed cigars. Carl immediately spat out the end and lit up. Pants Down Pammi and Avinash came looking pretty in pink.
The hash trail was only from the driveway, down the path, past the lawn, to the Club House. A 1-minute max. Happy father Shaun of little Max, arrived late in the circle, without cigars but accompanied by his 2 horrors, Ella and LJ. Happy couple Sadia and Camron came. Babe Ruth too arrived late in the circle. Acting as drey I was pouring out drinks as fast as the charges were being heaped on all. We were so high by the end of it that you can’t expect me to remember all the charges. I might have had a few down downs as all Latecomers, all dreys, and all Nash Hashers. I’ve forgotten most of the charges except the Glam Chicks one which had me in the circle with the likes of Babe Ruth, Quack Quack and Avinash. Molester raised a new wife swapping, wrong partner charge, which had Yvonnick and Duck Suck Carl in the circle to be joined by Quack Quack and Hungry Kya Alain. Shaun got a DD for being Big Daddy. Sexy Legs Chiru had to show his sexy legs. I still have some very graphic images of Sex Guru Saw but that could have been from the party the night before.
Sarah was to be christened that evening having merited her Hash Handle as the winner of the first ever Mr. Nash Hash competition, Mysore 2005. Double D was dubbed with the dingaling of two rickshaw bells on a jute cord. Chiru had handed me the bells the night before and told me to organize it. DD gave them a XL sleeveless Tshirt into which they had to both fit and then drink dds from their silver tankards. DD got away with not having to take off his Tshirt and only doing the dd. The horrors didn’t sing the Hash anthem but did a very fine silent rendition.
The circle finally broke up but we continued snacks and drinks at the bar. LJ and Ella polished off a few cheese balls and the hashers the rest of the fish fingers and chicken pakoras. LJ and Ella also played carom and then discovered the puppies that I brought to LJ’s lap. The bar cockroach made it to Sadia’s handbag as she sat with Molester and Sarah.
RA Bill propped up the bar and gave advice to everyone. His advice for the hash is to have fun and do the best. Let everyone participate and take charge of the circle. Rs.200 was collected as Hash Cash from everyone and Bill and Sarah treated us to the rest. Once Sid is back we can go into hash funds and how to pay for hash activities.
Though Rangers normally closes at 8 we were propping up the bar till ten, long after the servers had closed up and changed into lungis. The XL sexy T shirt got left behind by Paul for the pot bellied peon. It was time to move on when the security guards came around.
The Beer and Buffoonery brigade, coming out of the Rangers, hailed a tram and Paul jumped on with Saw and Sarah. Chiru, Soma and I tried to follow in Quack Quack’s car but going down a one-way road, we quickly turned around and let Paul’s Ambassador consulate car catch up with them. Bill, Sadia, Camron proceeded to Sam’s pub as we weren’t dressed for Roxy or much else.
Sexy Legs Chiru credits me with making Sam’s pub the popular joint it is by introducing the hashers to it. Gherda’s son sings and plays the keyboards there on weekends and they have evolved as a band as has the Sam’s Pub-Parasol Bar! But as the band finished their gig and we said bye to the musicians, there didn’t seem any point staying and rubbing tits and asses in the close confines of the crowded bar. Soma took Bill on to Some Place Else while drey Sarah was keen to continue the pub crawl of Calcutta’s sleazy bars and try out the Rajanigandha Bar next door. Paul, Sarah, myself, Camron, Sadia and Saw got a table upstairs. Coming straight from the airport and the Bengal Club, Nash Hash returnee Francois joined us to say his goodbyes.
Rajanigandha Bar is a wonderful watering hole with some great munchies and the most brilliant Nutyums poster by Mario Miranda or some other cartoonist. We could imagine all the hashers in the ad - there was Paul sleeping, Sarah with stand up blonde hair, Pammi in a turban… Paul and Saw went to the den inside where there was plain Bengali music and began imagining that there were dance girls. Soma and Bill were in the lobby of The Park as it was a packed Saturday night and they couldn’t even get inside SPE. Soma called and Paul picked up my mobile and was ready to dunk it in the beer when I told him it was Quack Quack in distress and we shouldn’t duck the call. He answered the phone in phonetic hindi going “huh” in every intonation possible. Poor Quack Quack never lost patience or hang up. We took pity on her after 5 minutes and put Sex Guru Saw on the whine. As we left the bar Sex Guru Saw kissed a girlie poster.
Walking down to SPE we were reunited with all our friends and musicians in The Park lobby. I got a cigarette burn from Kabbu of Akar Prakar and as there are two burns on my arm I see them everyday and am reminded of the night we said farewells to Bill and Sarah. They too have left their mark and the memories aren’t fading.
Francois who has seen me fighting back tears over the last couple of weeks was surprised not to see me weeping when Bill gave me a goodbye kiss in the parking lot but I was feeling too blessed. Sarah, Sadia, Camron, Bill and a sleepy Paul drove away, leaving me to make luncheon plans with Francois and then jump into the car with Soma and Saw.
Too psyched to go home we stopped for a hot and comforting cha at Sharma’s dhaba and picked up some take away food for Soma and a light sabre for LJ.
May the force be with you.
On, on,
Late comer Neela
Saw's Terrace
Dear Hashers,
There was a hash on Saturday 30th August near the Lakes. Bill, Sarah, Stalker, Sex Guru, led the pack back to Saw’s terrace in Queen’s Park for a booze up where they were joined by DD and Vishal from Bombay. Patricia and I couldn’t join because we were in Singapore with Alice but it was nice to get frantic smses from hashers asking “Is there a Hash today?” and “Where are you?”
Late Cummer
Nash Hash 2005
Dear Hashers,
Molester did join us in Mysore. He got there as the Jungle Crow flies cos he was definitely not on our sore ass 5 hours bus ride for which we had to get up at 5:30 am after pub crawling till midnight in order to take the bus that only left at 8am! Back from the My-sore A*** Nash Hash 2005 where we networked and revolted because our logo unlike the Hyderabad, Bangalore Chennai, Bombay, Delhi logos wasn't on the first day's CISCO T shirt! (Beware CISCO, cos as we said in the circle your visas to the UK and US may not get processed...) Hashers have sent in their thanks for the Mismanagement.
It was probably the most perfectly mismanaged hash. Every minute of the weekend was perfect and fun. Great terrain and trails ...... Good parties.... Oh the goody bag - special mention is needed starting from the bag itself. Loads of stuff......
Thank you all once again.........
On On
Vasu 'Coming on the Dot'
CH4
94444 06320
Thanks for mismanaging My-sore Nash hash
It was fun and thoroughly enjoyed it and look forward to Nash Hash Aurangabad 2006
ONON
Rajeev' Run with the pack 'Bhargava
Need I say more about Mysore? Well yes, we won the Miss Sexy Legs prize. For those of you who haven't been to the Nash Hash you may think it was me, but no, it was Ashish! Check out the photos!!!!!
I'm making CD copies of the hash photos but you can log on to www.hasher.net/india to see some pics by Baldric as well as log on to the Madras Hash website.
Bantala Leather Hash/ DI or Dye with French Connection Hash
Stalker Ashish and Pond Scum Afroz and friends planned a hash run in the new Bantala leather complex with a circle at Dalhousie Institute.
On 6th August, the hares decided to have a hash in honour of Bill and Sarah -who very smartly stayed away- and Walsh -who was of course in Delhi with his Jungle Crows. So it turned out to be Patricia’s farewell Hash, as usual in the "wastelands", and also a "welcome to the KRH3" for new shoes Francois and Sigrid.
Stalker, Fiddler, Jolly, Ashish, Sexy Legs, Zoria, and my French Connection of Patricia, Sigrid, Francois, and Returning Hash Horrors Ella and LJ met in front of ITC at 4 p.m. I was wearing my “Will you be a treat for My-Sore eyes” (and you betcha I will) teaser Nash Hash T shirt. Zoria was sore that everyone didn’t get a T shirt so I’ll see what I can do when I get back from Nash Hash…
Waiting for others to arrive, we played I spy with the horrors, and continued playing till we reached the RV point twenty minutes later. Getting into Zoria’s car with the chauffeur with a “B”word, the horrors, Zoria and I saw goats, bamboo, cows, bricks, and Ella disqualified me for the word cycle cos I should have said bicycle and I was barred from giving anymore clues.
The contingent of hares including Manish, Afroze, DD and Duck Suck were waiting for us near the Bantala pyramid entrance to the Leather Complex that was inaugurated last month by the
Ministers.
Looking at them covered in mud especially DD in his no longer white pants, I was sure we were gonna be knee deep in mud and was reassured when I heard there was a handicapped or walker’s trail.
We set off through the soggy fields with water in our shoes and curses on our lips, but not wanting to be stick-in-the-mud we continued on on past the snake in the grass, along the mossy brick banks of the ditch walking hand in hand with Little Jock, and towards the giant green water tower that looked like an alien spaceship from War of the Worlds. The French who took the rougher, straight and narrow path probably went red, white and blue in the face from cursing the crazy trail and the crazy hashers and their masochistic monsoon madness meanderings.
Back on the gravel path, the horrors and Fiddler and Fiddlee got onto a van and were pedaled to the cars.
Stalker Ashish pedaled part of the way and also huffed and puffed while trying to race DD. Fin. Dir. Airlink Francois was ready to pay the locals with his visa and master cards to fly him out of the wetlands but though he ran after the van to take the picture of the horrors we called him back to face the trail through the killing fields, with the rest of us. Duck Suck Carl, Pond Scum Afroze, and Manish then took us on a totally wrong trail and we squelched back to the cars having got our sneakers completely covered in the oligo-elements of the field trip.
Only LJ came back with interesting relics like white shell, white feathers, though I drew the line at white mushrooms, slippers and bones! I have decided to give them their hash handles of Shoe Licker and Shoe Polisher and they have their job cut out for them as I’m getting complaints from the French that their shoes still smell…Luckily we all had a change of shoes in the car and kept the sneakers in the boot (but even then the car started ponging after a while).
Organizing the circle was Afroze’s brother at Dalhousie Institute that Francois kept calling The Lousy Institute till he entered and saw the manicured lawns in front of the white washed club house and was bowled over. Living in Bengal Club, he misses being able to sit outside in the greenery. The Horrors were the first to discover the garden gnomes, the swings, monkey bars, swimming pool and tennis court and wished they’d brought along swimming trunks and rackets.
We sat on a long table on the lawn and drank beers and fruit juices at a long table after getting ourselves cleaned up best we could without any soap in the toilets. We gave up on the Down Down as the hares would have been shredded for not laying enough shreddies or proper trails to follow.
Bill and Sarah to whom I’d been giving running commentary from my mobile on our trails - trials and tribulations- joined us at DI for beers and some spicy snacks. Willy Wanker Shaun came to collect his horrors. We stayed till the mosquitoes drove Patricia away. Big Thanks, though not down downs, to Afroze, his brother and all for organising DI on what Bill told us was Anglo Indian Day .
Stalker Ashish has left this morning for Bangalore and I doubt he’ll be crowned Miss Nash Hash but he can bat his eyelashes and grin broadly like all the beauty contest babes. If asked What does it mean for you to be Miss Nash Hash he’ll probably just ramble on on on. So please take pity on him harriets and bring your sexy clothes, stockings, bikinis,wigs, mascara and make-up to the British Club so Bill and Sarah can bring along what’s gonna be called Mr. n Ms Nash Hash fake-up KRH#3 kit bag. Sarah is well prepared to represent us as Mr. Nash Hash. We’ll be sure to bring back pictures.
I've been repeatedly told by Raw Sex Sunil of Bangalore to kick Molester and Pants Down for not joining us in the Nash Hash. Topsurd Chintu would have loved to join but he's in Woodlands hospital suffering from hollow legs - something to do with a viral infection not over drinking!
Since this is Friendship week I leave you hashers with these choice friendship day (7th aug) smses received on my mobile phone. Replace friendship with Hash
· Friendship is like standing on wet cement ( or mud as in our case). The longer you stay the harder it is to leave and you can never go without leaving your footprints behind. Happy friendship day.
· A line knows no limit, unless you put an end to it. Hope our friendship is a line that runs…on on… forever
· Cheerful people are like sunlight. They shine into the corners of the heart and offer bright mornings and fresh hopes. Good day to one such friend. Enjoy friendship day.
· A special smile, a special face, a special someone I can’t replace. A special hug from me to you for the special friendship I’ve found in you. Happy Friendship day.
· And On, & On, & On,
xoxox
Late Cummer Neela
9830014934
Nash Hash details
From our Religious Advisor: I believe all of this is true, life is great only if we enjoy it!
"Smith, William L"
SmithWL@state.gov ”As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn'tsupposed to ever let you down probably will. You will haveyour heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your bestfriend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. So send this to all of your friendsin the next 5 minutes and a miracle will happen tonight.”
So here’s looking forward to a miracle…
And another Wetlands Hash this weekend…with Hare: DD
Wow, a miracle for the Nash Hashers has already happened, here’s their News Flash- Nash Hash Update
;-D Late Cummer Neela
9830014934
p.s. To represent the KRH3 I nominate Stalker Hashish as Miss Nash Hash and Sarah Nelson as Mr. Nash Hash.
Grateful if this can be shared with all your hashers.....especially those who have registered for the Nash Hash....
Registrations are pouring in...we are already close to 150 and expect to end up with 175-200 participants. We have participants from all hashing cities in india, Shanghai, several malaysian hashes and Saudi......
We have had extraordinary support from our sponsors....our main sponsor is CISCO.....thanks to them, we have been able to retain the rate of Rs 5000 for registration. We are now dropping the rate for horrors under 12 who will share the room/bed with parents - the new rate for them is Rs 1500, but there will be a small extra charge for an additional bed ( But no kit bags at this price) ...we already have almost 15 horrors who have registered and we now hope this number will go up....
Pub crawl rate for 12th August is now Rs 200 excl dinner and Rs 500 incl dinner.....we expect to visit many of the better known pubs in Bangalore......transport will be provided for outstation hashers for the pub crawl....
We will also plan to include some sight seeing in Mysore and Srirangapatnam on 13th and 14th....expats living in India should bring their residency papers as these will be needed at the hotel and also for entry at the palace/other tourist spots - those who do not bring their papers will have to pay the much higher rates for foreigners....
We have arranged rooms in bangalore for 12th night for those who requested ...no more rooms are available....
· Those who have not filled in the forms should do so and hand these over at time of registrations...sorry, no kitbags for those who do not fill in and sign the forms.....
· Many hashers have not yet advised us their travel plans.......please e mail these ASAP so we can arrange for pick up and drop
· Hash skits and Miss Nash hash on 14th evening
· INTRODUCING the first ever Mr Nash Hash contest......also on 14th evening
More news follows.....look forward to seeing you soon
On On
Raw Sex
