Wet n Wild in Puri
| Wet n Wild in Puri Run No. 40 June 25th to June 28, 2004 Hashers: GM Molester, RA Bean Town, Drey Sarah, Mexican Girl Alicita, Pick Axe Pradeep, Bonani, Duck Suck Carl, DD, Late Cummer + New Shoes Emmanuelle, Saw 3 groups of hashers set off for Puri. Saw, Emmanuelle, Late Cummer, and DD took the Jagannath Express. Saw had booked tickets and not knowing that the others were booked in the Puri Express, got us our tickets giving us imaginative soubriquets like Emanuelle Béart, and for DD- D. Dhanuka! While Saw, Emma and I found each other in the Howrah station hall between the antique clock and the plaster Elephant, DD was stuck in a traffic jam caused by an accident near the bridge. While we walked up the over bridge to get to the new station, DD set a hash record by sprinting down Howrah bridge to the station and platform 18, Coach S3, seat 26 in less than 10 minutes with only a couple of minutes to spare before the train left the platform. Emma and I had reached early and were even able to buy her a sheet and a lungi at the station stalls as she and Saw had no idea that traveling 3 Tier meant bringing your own bedding. DD our seasoned traveler was of course prepared with inflatable pillow to go around the neck. Also to come out of his capacious bags – a scream mask, Axe Effect, Fujiyama eau de toilette, Issey Miyake cologne, his stereo, 5 kgs of batteries, his album bag of CDs, sandesh, chocolates and love candy in different fruit flavours, packets of condoms but only one pair of undies and half a toothbrush! He was trying on the Scream Mask but we couldn’t gauge who was more startled, DD or the ticket collector who came up right behind him. DD is such a scream! Of course more screaming was heard when DD took out the Axe Effect and without asking us, sprayed himself and the whole compartment. Saw was thrilled to be enjoying the sights, sounds and smells of 3 Tier travel. We stopped every other purveyor of foodstuffs – muri, chai wallah, coffee etc. and doled out small change to beggars and sweepers. Saw who was all for playing strip poker didn’t quite know the rules so we played Black Jack instead with Saw being the bank, and Lady Luck favoured the girls and the guys would have literally lost the shirts off their backs. DD who lost a packet in the slot machines and Black Jack table in the casino in Kathmandu a week ago was most impressed by Emma’s repeatedly getting Banco, a French word we knew, but she didn’t! After beating the guys at cards, Emma started reading The God of Small Things in French and we started discussing the supernatural, black magic, ghost stories and scary stuff on AXN. The music system was set up and it was well past midnight when Emma finished the last pages of her book. We were the last ones to switch off the lights and make up our berths. We listened to Santana in the dark and serenaded each other with songs ranging from Engelbert Humperdinck (Saw) to Bryan Adams (DD). It was hot hot hot so huddled on the lower bunks, we sang until I had to dole out Vicks throat drops! Saw was heard singing in his sleep. The only one to get her beauty sleep was Emma. With DD thrashing about above me, feeling hot, and bemoaning the lack of breeze every time we stopped at a train station, I got him to tell me bed-time stories until we reached Puri in the wee hours of the morning. Carl who was on Puri Express in the General Compartment had standing room only for most of the way. The bulk of the hashers were enjoying the comforts of air conditioning and continued drinking with RA Bill being the last man standing. Emma had high hopes of seeing the sunrise on the beach after checking into the Z Hotel but we reached around six and the sun had already risen. We were escorted out of the train station by rickshawallas, who for Rs.10 were ready to take us to our hotel. They pointed out all the new hotels en route and we passed the Hotel Holiday Resorts where Molester had booked 4 cottages. The Z looked really pleasant to us and we woke up the keepers and chose rooms with a view but no AC. Instead in the common room was a huge TV set and a carom board. I mentioned Noyona’s name and DD mentioned another well known name and we spent a few minutes filling in the register with our correct names! End of D. Dhanuka. Showered and changed into beachwear, we were given 4 glasses of tea, two of which we divvied up into 4 small cups. Walking down to the beach, we realized why the hotel keeper said we should head down there later in the afternoon. High tide and choppy waves had us, Emma and me, wet before we could even decide to strip down to our costumes. Saw maintained his distance and took pictures of our first dip. After that we were ready to head out for breakfast. I had nostalgic memories of pancakes in a shack and there was Xanadu to cater to all our tastes. Chocolate, Honey pancakes for me, Aloo, eggs and toast for Saw, cheese pancake and scrambled eggs for Emma and 2 cheese and masala omelets for DD. While we sat under the thatched roof comparing its colour to DDs bleached locks, we waited impatiently for our fresh mango juices. Poor DD got coconut milk and not coconut juice and there was more bemoaning. We’d passed a Dog and Duck Lodge and we were weighing what to nickname DD - Dog and Duck, Delicate Darlin’ or D Dhanuka. The waiters had mistaken our Desi Dude for an Australian and Saw for a Japanese! We would continue to perplex the people of Puri. By then the Puri Express passengers had reached their hotel and we were ready to walk down to join them getting wet, wet, wet, in the heat and humidity. Seeing Bill and Sarah cavorting in the pool with ladies in wet saris by the poolside, we were ready to head back and get our swimsuits again. Squatting by the pool and debating whether DD should pinch some of the undies or trunks decorating the railings like so many colourful garlands, we went to get our swimwear leaving the others to have their breakfast. Back at the Z, another quick shower and a change into swimsuits, we took an auto back to the Hotel. Emma was still convinced that we should try the beachfront of the hotel and take another dip in the sea. The two of us braved the waves and then came rushing back to use the pool. Alice joined us and after much coaxing Saw and DD were finally convinced to step into the water and the girls would teach them to swim! DD who had by then discovered that he had an extra pair of briefs tucked in his bag, figured he could enter the pool. By then I’d got leg cramps and was doing all kinds of water ballet to ease the muscle pain in my foot. Saw took pictures of us and there should be some candid camera ones of DD massaging my foot in the water! Mystic Masseur that he is, it worked wonders and I could wiggle my toes again. A few races and Saw was ready to join the revelers in the pool. Then started the real water games with the girls teaching DD and Saw to float on their backs. Saw managed to float in zen fashion but DD remained stiff in the water! The others went to the beach and got buffeted by the waves with Bill and Molester taking tumbles with the best of them! By 11am we had to be ready to step out to recce with a tour guide and we set off in 2 sumos to discover the best trails. We found them. To celebrate we were headed to Toshali Sands Resort to get our much-deserved beers stopping on the way at my insistence to look at some erotic sculpture. Alice and Sarah now are convinced that the miniatures must be in the Goody Bags. The Toshali Sands Resort was much classier than the hashers Holiday Resort Sandy Village but with fewer accommodation. We had a circle with Kingfishers and peanuts and 7 Up to make shandy while the GM penned the plan for the Nash Hash. Bean Town offered us the beer and Alice collected the hash cash. Then Alice remembered a restaurant called Wild Grass where she’d eaten before and Molester decided that Alice was going to treat us to lunch at Wild Grouse, with DD extolling the Wild Grass in Kaziranga and Pick Axe asking him repeatedly if he had a cousin who owned Grass. We went back to the reception and while Paul asked them for their best rates, I garlanded as many of us as I could with bougainvillea garlands hanging in the reception and Bonani explained to the people there that we weren’t an international circus. I had found my souvenir, a small green coconut that I had everyone sign. We piled back into the Sumos and reached Wild Grass the eco friendly restaurant where Molester expected to eat grouse or turtle. We ordered grilled tuna steaks and the others ordered snacks and luckily they served the beer fast enough. Saw and Alice walked around the table taking pictures and we posed in our wreaths. There was quite a splash when I spilt a glass of water, then DD dropped a bottle, and Molester was baptized in water and Pradeep took the hose of the gardener and there was a general hose down! We created quite a buzz as we behaved like drunken bumblebees. These beach restaurants have notoriously slow service so Sarah started us singing songs, a sort of hoe down of songs with the word Bell in them. From Hells Bells to Jingle Bells, Michelle Ma Belle and That’s Amore we sang for our supper. It was a late lunch and a long one with repeated orders of beer, chicken pakodas, chicken cashew nuts, French fries or were they Freedom Fries and Chicken Kebabs. Alice kept moving from her side of the table, the Tuna Steak side to pinch stuff from the Quick Menu side of the table. It was past four when we rolled out of the restaurant. Walsh, Bill and Sarah took individual rickshaws and Pradeep was ready to cycle off with an unattended one, and then finally managed to flag an auto rickshaw to take them back to the Hotel. We kids walked and I had my umbrella bearer DD to protect me from the sun. We plodded back to the hotel stopping for smokes and water. DD and Saw crashed out in chairs in Alice’s AC cottage while Emma and I changed into our swimwear again to check out the waves. Alice was to join us in the pool later but fell asleep when she couldn’t find us as we were battling the waves on the beach, stimulating our beer laden blood vessels and the spectators on the dunes behind. Having fallen on our behinds more times than I care to recollect, we were pushed back by the rising waves and decided to take shelter in the Hotel pool. We passed Carl getting a massage from the nolia fishermen who offered to give us massages but we declined. Washing the sand off our legs we fell into the pool and stayed there till the wind made it too chilly. Staying in the water was the best solution as getting out meant getting wet wet wet once again because of the humidity. We woke up poor Saw who was enjoying a much needed rest and dragged him back to Z with promises of taking him to see the rath yatra at the Jagannath temple. By the time we’d reached the Z we were ready for some zzz ourselves and decided we’d rather shower and sleep before setting out on the bar hopping planned for the Saturday night. Somehow we managed to get forty winks, shower and change and be ready to be escorted by Saw down to the Hotel after changing Emma’s tickets and grabbing drinks and more reels for Saw. Waking DD still comatose on Alice’s sofa was a task for Bill, Saw and Alice. Somehow they managed to rouse him and Saw had thoughtfully brought him something to change into. Enjoying the balmy breeze on the terrace outside the cottages, sipping from Bill’s Puertorican Puri Punch, we decided to check out Puri’s bars and nightlife. Singing Davy Crocket and various Johnny Horton numbers we made our way down the street. The first bar was The Bravery Bar, a total dive, dark, dingy with airconditioning and hindi music, but also a knock out as written on the walls! We just took over the place and rearranged the tables and ordered our Cuba Libres, beers and straight vodkas. Chips were provided and Alice went and got some more packets of spicy nuts. Totally worn out, Saw, DD and Emma, relaxed at the table and fiddled with their mobiles while Bill, Paul, Carl and I propped up the bar when not standing in front of the AC exuding steam. Pradeep and I tried to persuade everyone to order from the Xanadu menu down the road but learning that it would be ready only after an hour we decided we’d continue bar hopping while Bonani and Pradeep left to look for dinner somewhere. After settling our tabs – Rs.100 per person, we thanked our jolly innkeeper and headed out to the Pink House on the beach. On the way I insisted Sarah stop to check out the hand painted but cleverly concealed erotica on banana leaves and a stationery shop with elephant designs. Alice and Sarah loved the place and immediately bought up some presents. The others enjoyed a smoke while sitting on some steps on the opp side of the road and then we were off again. We found a thatched hut area on the beach at the Pink House and persuaded the owner to make us some omelets and bring over Sandpiper Beers. Enjoying the breeze, the darkness and the tunes of yester years, we belted out Bohemian Rhapsody and loads of Freddie Mercury songs, then sang the songs from Grease in chronological order till our order of cheese and masala omelets arrived. Then we decided that we had to raid Alice’s room for her Kookie Jar Nut Corners and so set off down the beach to the hotels. Emma wanted to head back to our hotel for more zzzs so dropping her off we set off again down the beach to get the Nut Corners and Saw’s bag. The beachfront is well lit so we didn’t lose our way. I was the only nut case to want the Nut Corner and then we were headed back to Z not out the front gate, because the grill was down, but by the beach route once again. Exhausted we vowed not to wake each other up in the morning. The next day I was up and showered by 11 but it was a Herculean task to wake DD and Saw and get them ready, packed, checked out as Alice had sent a message from Carl’s mobile because hers was in Saw’s custody and she wanted it back. We had tea and breakfast enjoying the sea breeze and Santana on DD’s stereo. I booked a car to take us to Konark. The hashers were going on a recce to do the trail seen the day before. By the time we reached the Hotel, the others had of course left and we kept our luggage in one of the cottages. Arriving at Konark, Saw passing himself off as an Assamese, DD our multinational by turns Egyptian or Kosovo refugee in his bandana, and I paid Rs. 10 but poor Emma who had left her passport and resident permit at the hotel had to pay Rs.250 as entrance. We took a guide for Rs.60 and ended up paying him closer to Rs. 120 as he had given us “full satisfaction” in his descriptions of all the sculptures decorating the walls of the temple. Emma was quite confused to see such graphic erotic sculpture on the walls of a Hindu temple and I hope our explanations have demystified her. The guide was most explicit in his description of the most “plezarable position” for man and woman and even DD learnt a few things. Saw’s philosophy has turned full circle like the chariot wheels of Konark and now our Buddhist monk is talking of becoming a Sex Guru! Worn out by the sea, sex and sun, the four of us had lunch at the Pink House before heading back to the hotel to catch up with the others and head for the train station to catch the train back to Howrah. |
posted by Calcutta Hash Walks @ 2:10 pm
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