Kolkata Revolutionary Hash House Harriers

Salaam Namaste Rangers Farewell Hash

Today is Ganesh Chaturthi – the Festival of the Elephant God and therefore a very auspicious day to start something such as the long overdue Rangers Farewell Hash report. In case you didn’t know, Ganesh was the scribe for the epic Ramayana. When his stylus broke, rather than interrupt RA Rishi Valmiki, he broke off his tusk to continue writing with it. Well I may not have broken a tooth but the ache is there as I write.
So where do I begin to tell this story of how great a hash can be?
On 27th August, 2005, we were all to meet up at the Ranger’s Club on Red Road to bid farewell to Bill and Sarah who were leaving Calcutta the next morning. I was of course completely lost both physically and metaphysically. Going round in circles in the cab I had to ask Chiru for directions. Yet the Rangers Club has been the venue for multiple Hashes and even some of the Calcutta Marathon Races. But knowing I was likely to be lost I left early. Hungry Kya Alain was already there, La La having left the previous night for China. The Rangers at Saw’s terrace party the night before had invited us to play Caroms and Alain, who was surprised to see me reach early for a change, was keen to try his hand again at playing carom after eons since the British Club has deprived us of our game. The board was placed really high and I could barely reach across to play. No wonder Alain beat me.
Duck Suck Carl came with the special see through bottoms engraved silver mugs - Kolkata Revolutionary Hash House Harriers Religious Adviser Emeritus Bean Town Billie and Drey Double D Sarah. I left the two tall ones to play carom and got on the phone answering and making calls to round up everyone. Sex Guru Saw had been cleaning up after the radical party of the night before and could be forgiven for being late. DD came and then disappeared to come back later to the circle, just like his wallet which he later found. Soma brought Yvonnick. Lickin’ Lucky arrived with his boys. Henry Jardine the new American Consul joined us and distributed cigars. Carl immediately spat out the end and lit up. Pants Down Pammi and Avinash came looking pretty in pink.
The hash trail was only from the driveway, down the path, past the lawn, to the Club House. A 1-minute max. Happy father Shaun of little Max, arrived late in the circle, without cigars but accompanied by his 2 horrors, Ella and LJ. Happy couple Sadia and Camron came. Babe Ruth too arrived late in the circle. Acting as drey I was pouring out drinks as fast as the charges were being heaped on all. We were so high by the end of it that you can’t expect me to remember all the charges. I might have had a few down downs as all Latecomers, all dreys, and all Nash Hashers. I’ve forgotten most of the charges except the Glam Chicks one which had me in the circle with the likes of Babe Ruth, Quack Quack and Avinash. Molester raised a new wife swapping, wrong partner charge, which had Yvonnick and Duck Suck Carl in the circle to be joined by Quack Quack and Hungry Kya Alain. Shaun got a DD for being Big Daddy. Sexy Legs Chiru had to show his sexy legs. I still have some very graphic images of Sex Guru Saw but that could have been from the party the night before.
Sarah was to be christened that evening having merited her Hash Handle as the winner of the first ever Mr. Nash Hash competition, Mysore 2005. Double D was dubbed with the dingaling of two rickshaw bells on a jute cord. Chiru had handed me the bells the night before and told me to organize it. DD gave them a XL sleeveless Tshirt into which they had to both fit and then drink dds from their silver tankards. DD got away with not having to take off his Tshirt and only doing the dd. The horrors didn’t sing the Hash anthem but did a very fine silent rendition.
The circle finally broke up but we continued snacks and drinks at the bar. LJ and Ella polished off a few cheese balls and the hashers the rest of the fish fingers and chicken pakoras. LJ and Ella also played carom and then discovered the puppies that I brought to LJ’s lap. The bar cockroach made it to Sadia’s handbag as she sat with Molester and Sarah.
RA Bill propped up the bar and gave advice to everyone. His advice for the hash is to have fun and do the best. Let everyone participate and take charge of the circle. Rs.200 was collected as Hash Cash from everyone and Bill and Sarah treated us to the rest. Once Sid is back we can go into hash funds and how to pay for hash activities.
Though Rangers normally closes at 8 we were propping up the bar till ten, long after the servers had closed up and changed into lungis. The XL sexy T shirt got left behind by Paul for the pot bellied peon. It was time to move on when the security guards came around.
The Beer and Buffoonery brigade, coming out of the Rangers, hailed a tram and Paul jumped on with Saw and Sarah. Chiru, Soma and I tried to follow in Quack Quack’s car but going down a one-way road, we quickly turned around and let Paul’s Ambassador consulate car catch up with them. Bill, Sadia, Camron proceeded to Sam’s pub as we weren’t dressed for Roxy or much else.
Sexy Legs Chiru credits me with making Sam’s pub the popular joint it is by introducing the hashers to it. Gherda’s son sings and plays the keyboards there on weekends and they have evolved as a band as has the Sam’s Pub-Parasol Bar! But as the band finished their gig and we said bye to the musicians, there didn’t seem any point staying and rubbing tits and asses in the close confines of the crowded bar. Soma took Bill on to Some Place Else while drey Sarah was keen to continue the pub crawl of Calcutta’s sleazy bars and try out the Rajanigandha Bar next door. Paul, Sarah, myself, Camron, Sadia and Saw got a table upstairs. Coming straight from the airport and the Bengal Club, Nash Hash returnee Francois joined us to say his goodbyes.
Rajanigandha Bar is a wonderful watering hole with some great munchies and the most brilliant Nutyums poster by Mario Miranda or some other cartoonist. We could imagine all the hashers in the ad - there was Paul sleeping, Sarah with stand up blonde hair, Pammi in a turban… Paul and Saw went to the den inside where there was plain Bengali music and began imagining that there were dance girls. Soma and Bill were in the lobby of The Park as it was a packed Saturday night and they couldn’t even get inside SPE. Soma called and Paul picked up my mobile and was ready to dunk it in the beer when I told him it was Quack Quack in distress and we shouldn’t duck the call. He answered the phone in phonetic hindi going “huh” in every intonation possible. Poor Quack Quack never lost patience or hang up. We took pity on her after 5 minutes and put Sex Guru Saw on the whine. As we left the bar Sex Guru Saw kissed a girlie poster.
Walking down to SPE we were reunited with all our friends and musicians in The Park lobby. I got a cigarette burn from Kabbu of Akar Prakar and as there are two burns on my arm I see them everyday and am reminded of the night we said farewells to Bill and Sarah. They too have left their mark and the memories aren’t fading.
Francois who has seen me fighting back tears over the last couple of weeks was surprised not to see me weeping when Bill gave me a goodbye kiss in the parking lot but I was feeling too blessed. Sarah, Sadia, Camron, Bill and a sleepy Paul drove away, leaving me to make luncheon plans with Francois and then jump into the car with Soma and Saw.
Too psyched to go home we stopped for a hot and comforting cha at Sharma’s dhaba and picked up some take away food for Soma and a light sabre for LJ.
May the force be with you.
On, on,
Late comer Neela

posted by Calcutta Hash Walks @ 1:55 pm